To help someone with Alzheimer’s stay active, the trick is striking a balance between expecting too much and too little, says cognitive neuroscientist Sandi Chapman, Ph.D., founder and chief director of the Center for BrainHealth at The University of Texas at Dallas.

Taking over everything can actually worsen symptoms. “This lack of mental stimulation makes the brain decline more rapidly,” Chapman says. On the other hand, people with Alzhemer’s do need help with some things. Expecting too much can make them shut down as well.

“When you see somebody with Alzheimer’s disease with high anxiety or very agitated, it’s typically because the environment is either overstimulating or they’re bored,” Chapman says. “What we have to figure out is exactly what cognitive level they are and just have it a little bit above that.”

Here are a few tips she gives to stimulate the brain and maximize independence without pushing your loved one past what the disease allows.

1. Have conversations, but give context. Don’t say, “We just talked about that,” or, “Remember when?” Instead, give context. “Last year, we went on a picnic at the beach ….” Memories will start to come together.
2. Bring the person your dilemmas. Ask, “What do you think about …?” or, “What would you do?” People with Alzheimer’s retain their wisdom during the early and moderate stages, Chapman says. They love to share it, and doing so helps their sense of integrity.
3. Keep up hobbies. The things they were good at before Alzheimer’s are typically the things they’ll be best at with Alzheimer’s, Chapman says.
4. Help them start tasks. Getting started on everyday activities like eating and getting dressed is the part that is so hard for people with Alzheimer’s. Their brains won’t let them come up with the required steps. But if you get them started, they understand how to do it, says Chapman. For example, cut the first piece of meat.
5. Do activities that maintain dignity. Watch old movies, talk about experiences or vacations, look at pictures, garden. Chapman doesn’t like seeing people with Alzheimer’s doing kiddie crafts, like making bunnies out of cotton balls. “It’s humiliating,” she says. “They want to be treated with dignity.”

“Think about what is preserved even in the midst of a progressive brain disease,” Chapman advises. “There’s so much they can do. We can transform the way we view Alzheimer’s disease and bring their lives back.”